Don’t Go Yet: Mentally Checking Out Too Soon Leaves a Lot of Life on the Table

I understand that nobody wants to be late. If your 10:00 appointment is twenty minutes away, then you should leave your home at 9:40. Delays aside, there’s not much argument there.

I am writing about what happens at 9:35.

What are you doing and thinking at 9:35, knowing that you need to leave your home at 9:40?

Are you getting anything out of those five minutes? Or, are you mentally checked out?

So much can happen in five minutes if we are open to it. You could give someone your undivided attention for three of those minutes. You could notice something beautiful in your home. If you are leaving a learning environment, you could pick up multiple pieces of new information in five minutes. Any of those experiences would be a blessing.

There is also a cumulative effect. If you consistently toss away five minutes every time you transition to something new, you will have ignored many thousands of hours over your lifetime.

Punctuality is less of a virtue if it takes attention from the last portion of every previous hour.

The Situation

Much of our day is composed of routine activities. Since they are routine, we can do those things mindlessly. It’s how habits work. We are not only able to perform the routine act mindlessly, but we also transition from activity to activity mindlessly. Because we are not fully engaged, the priority becomes checking the item off of the list and moving on to the next item.

The Issue

We don’t want to just get through a list of tasks. We want to enjoy those activities. We want to be changed by those activities. We want to understand why they are doing everything they are doing. We want to appreciate how different activities have different characteristics and goals. In most cases, we would rather do one worthwhile, life-affirming activity over just “mailing it in” on ten routine activities. In short, we don’t want to just skate by. We want to make the most of every moment.

By mentally turning your attention to the next item on your to-do list too soon, we can spoil the current moment. For individuals on the autism spectrum, this can certainly be the case.

The Solution

Mindfulness teaches us how to truly enjoy and benefit from life at 9:35, 9:37 and, even, 9:39.

Mindfulness is the antidote to mindlessness.

If there is one thing a mindfulness practice will address, it is the act of mentally checking out. Being mindful is the exact opposite of checking out. A mindful person is conscious of what they are doing and thinking. They are totally checked in to each passing second. Even the act of sipping a cup of coffee is significant when engaged mindfully. Mindfulness does not let time be wasted.

Living in the moment is the antidote to rushing to the next moment.

By definition, the act of living in the moment does not allow one to mentally rush forward to the next moment. Living in the moment happens second by second. If you are living in the moment at any point in your life, you are completely engaged in that moment, regardless of what is coming up after that moment.

When living in the moment, a point in time three hours in the future and a point in time three years in the future carry the same status. Neither one matters. If you are being mindful, the proximity of a future event bears no significance. If you are being mindful, you are not pushing forward any amount of time, not even a second.

Here’s how we slow down and take every bit of our time in my classes.

We call it “Sitting in the moment.”

I repeatedly remind my students that “we are not in a rush” and that they have “all the time in the world.” If you attend a class, there’s a good chance that I will pester you to “take your time.” We speak the words. We commit to the philosophy. We celebrate it. In my classes, patience truly is a virtue. Step one in the process of not rushing to the next thing is to remember that you are not rushing to the next thing.

I do not rush my lessons. I do not “cut to the chase.” I do not “just get to the point.” We discuss our lessons without any looming deadlines. We hash them out to the fullest extent. By acknowledging that we don’t have anywhere else that we need to be, we accept the privilege of ordering a dinner-sized portion of our topic of the day. Part of planning my curriculum is choosing topics that lend themselves to extended coverage. Step two is to purposely avoid the shortcuts.

I do not rush my speech. In fact, I take frequent, purposeful pauses. When I make a definitive statement as part of a lesson, I stop speaking, take a breath and let the thought sink into our consciousness. I let that pause happen. I resist my own urge to barrel forward. With that, I gently force my students to resist their urges to jump ahead. We practice the process together. Step three is to embed mindful pauses into the conversation itself.

I purposely delay just a bit. At times, I will begin my lesson two minutes later than my students expect. I might wait three full seconds before I respond to a question or comment. I might give a student a full minute to adjust their seat. I know these delays can be frustrating for my students. My goal is to help my students build a resistance to their urge to rush forward. The training is gentle (a few seconds at a time) but consistent (a part of every class).

Staying mentally engaged can be a struggle for all of us. When we think a moment has been satisfied, we mentally check out and look for the next thing to happen. The problem is that we can never truly know when a moment is satisfied. We don’t know what could happen next. When we mentally check out of a moment, we miss everything else that moment has to offer. When mentally rushing forward is a habit, we miss many parts of many moments, leaving us with only a portion of the full life experience. We don’t want that.

When we are trained to stay present, we open ourselves up to all of the potential of every experience.  By improving moment-by-moment mindfulness, you will mentally “check out” less often, even when transitioning to a new activity. When improved patience becomes habitual, then you will get more out of your experiences, all day long. You will actually LIVE more of your life. Learning will become easier. Rest will be more restful. Food will taste better. Improved patience means an improved experience.

Mindfulness can be the structure for that improvement.

You don’t have to be a teacher to implement intentional living and mindful pauses. Slowing down can benefit many settings - a dinner table, a car ride, or a session of homework. While not perfect, the simple attempt at mindful living in a household will yield results, however subtle. With practice over an extended period of time, mindfulness can be established as a core family value. Your family can grow to be more mindful about mindfulness.

Mindfulness can also be a solo practice. Not rushing through moments can be self-trained through conscious attention. You can be more mindful by trying to be more mindful. As you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can also become more aware of when you are mentally rushing through to the next event. By actively deciding where your attention rests, you will be building the habit of mindful living. Soon, you too will be “sitting in the moment” and you won’t miss a thing.

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

Learn more about SOCA LLC and Burak’s classes here.