Count Me In (for calming down)

“If angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to 100.” - Thomas Jefferson

But, why Mr. Jefferson?   

The mind can only (consciously) think about one thing at a time. When we feel stressed it is because the one thing we are thinking about is causing (our mind) stress. If the one thing we are thinking about is not stressful, we will not be stressed at that moment. It’s as simple as that.

The way to happier days is to properly manage the one thing we are (consciously) thinking about, from moment to moment. This does not mean that every single thought you have is positive or joy-inducing. But this means that when negativity naturally creeps into your mind, you should recognize it and see that it is not ideal. Once that is done, you can either move your next thought to something positive or to something neutral - neither positive nor negative.

This is where counting can come in. Counting down from 20 to 0 is a neutral thought. It’s neither good nor bad. It simply is. We are all comfortable with the eternal, core nature of numbers. We trust numbers. We trust that numbers are pure and accurate. Counting numbers is like breathing air or the sun setting - it’s just how life is. Because of the fundamental nature of numbers, they can be a great anchor for the mind.

There’s nothing threatening about counting. There’s no reason to become anxious about going from 18 to 17. It’s a simple, pure thought. It’s a baseline. It’s 0.

It’s easier to go from -20 to 0 than from -20 to +20.

There are times when we are so upset that it seems impossible to transition directly from that low mood into a very high mood. Recently, when I was upset about something, I tried to bring my thoughts to the same positive thoughts I usually maintain for most of the day. It didn’t work. My effort felt flat. Although I was able to generate the same type of thoughts as I usually do when trying to think positively, none of those thoughts carried the same positive FEELINGS when I was transitioning from being very upset. It was too big of a leap for me at that moment. This can be the case for all of us.

What might work better is to try to transition from a negative mood/thought cycle into a neutral mood/thought cycle first. This can be effective almost all of the time. In fact, we do this naturally. Think of the times you felt very upset. You felt better sometime later. You somehow calmed down. You did this naturally. What we rarely do naturally is to go from feeling very down or angry right into feeling up or blissful.

Counting to relax can be done to begin meditation or as a calming exercise on its own. Many meditations include slow counting in the beginning, induction phase of the process. Counting can accelerate how quickly we slow down our thoughts and center ourselves.

If you don’t have the time to commit to a full meditation session, you can count alone. You can do this if you are becoming aggravated on a long checkout line or if you hear bad news. As I’ve said many times, nobody knows what you are thinking about. Someone in public cannot tell if you are stewing over a perceived injustice or conducting a zen countdown in your mind. It’s zen “on the go.”

The act of counting can be rhythmic, almost musical. There is a hypnotic quality to slow, measured counting. This kind of activity can slow down your thoughts, just as low-frequency music is often played during meditation. By counting, you can create your own melodic chant, wherever you are in the world.

Visualization and other more complex techniques can be challenging for some and impossible for others. Somebody once told me that they could not visualize at all. I believe them. Why would they make that up? People with these challenges can still find peace because they still know how to count.

As with anything else, the intention matters. You can take a bite of food in haste because you haven’t eaten in three days or you can take that same bit of food as a judge in a cooking competition. Those are two very different bites. This is the same as the difference between counting down to blastoff, as opposed to counting with the conscious goal of becoming calmer.

You can’t count the holes in your roof. Obviously, counting your problems is not going to help you relax or focus or be happy. The act of counting itself is not what brings peace. It’s the act of counting with the intention of finding peace that brings peace.

A few ways to do it:

Count in and out breathes: This one might be my favorite method. It stretches out the time spent on each number. This allows us to “sit” in each number more comfortably, rushing less.

Breath in 5, Breath out 5.

Breath in 4, Breath out 4.

Breath in 3, Breath out 3.

Breath in 2, Breath out 2.

Breath in 1, Breath out 1.

Simple Count Down: This way would be best to begin a meditation because it has a finite endpoint. Reaching zero can be a trigger that transitions your mind to a deeper level of calm.

One of my meditations features the words, “And when we reach number one, you will be completely, utterly, 100% relaxed.”

Simple Count Up: This one is best when in public. The simple count up is one I would recommend whenever you are counting for calm but not fully meditating. This is because this method does not have an endpoint. And, because we can’t tell how long it will take us to become calm, it’s good that we have all of infinity at our disposal. Even your mother-in-law’s last visit can be washed away before you reach the number googolplex. You can count slowly and calmly until you feel your body relax. Once your body relaxes, it will allow your mind to relax.

Counting with a statement: This method can add to the mindfulness aspect of counting. You can make yourself even more aware of the present moment by describing as you are counting, and narrating each moment.

I breathe in 1. I breathe out 1.

I breathe in 2. I breathe out 2.

Once again, the art of meditation and mindfulness brings us another potentially, life-changing process out of something that we once took for granted. I hope that applying these methods to your daily life can provide some peace and encourage you to explore the other benefits of meditation.

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

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