A Zen Story You Should Tell Your Children
Two men went to seek an old, wise Zen Master. Both of the men were from the same town. The men sat before the Zen Master. The first man told the Zen Master that he wanted to move to a different town. He asked the Zen Master, “Is this a nice place? Should I move to your town?” The Zen Master replied by asking the first man to describe the town he lives in currently. The first man said, “It is a miserable place. The people there are mean and unhelpful. I hate it.” The Zen Master listened to the first man’s answer and said, “I do not think you should move to this town. It will also be miserable. The people will also be mean and unhelpful. Unfortunately, I believe that you will hate it here.” The first man listened to what the Zen Master said and went on his way.
The Zen Master then looked at the second man. The second man also old the Zen Master that he wanted to move to a different town. He also asked, “Is this a nice place? Should I move to your town?” The Zen Master then asked the second man to describe the town he lives in currently (the same town as the first man). The second man said, “It is a wonderful place. The people there are very friendly and helpful. I love it there. I am only interested in moving in order to explore and experience a change.” The Zen Master listened to the second man’s answer and said, “I think you should move to this town. It will also be wonderful. The people will also be friendly and helpful. I believe that you will love it here.” The second man listened to the Zen Master and smiled. He then thanked the Zen Master and went on his way.
The whole time the two men spoke with the Zen Master, there was a young student in the back of the room. The young student heard the Zen Master’s advice to both men. Once the two men had left, the young student approached the Zen Master and asked him, “Teacher, why did you give those men different answers to their questions? Why did you describe this town as miserable to one of the men and as wonderful to the other?”
The Zen Master explained that, “wherever you go, you bring yourself with you.” His point was that your attitude towards something is what makes it good or bad. Since this is true, the pessimistic man will always find negative things and the optimistic man will always find positive things. This is a powerful story about how your outlook determines your life.
The story is powerful because we all, innately, know it to be true. We all know people who are unhappy in every situation, who expect the worst, who are cynical, who always feel slighted. We know that those people seem to be able to find the worst in everything. We might call them curmudgeons. Merriam-Webster defines a curmudgeon as “a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man.” Gender aside, the dictionary does not define a curmudgeon as someone who is only ill-tempered with appropriate justification. A curmudgeon is ALWAYS grumpy. These people exist. We know it. The word wouldn’t exist if the people it describes didn’t exist.
We also know people on the opposite side of the spectrum. Everyone has a few people in their life who are happy in every situation, who expect the best, who are trusting, who always feel appreciative for everything they have. Those people cheer us up. We can trust them to find the good in everything. Those with an extensive vocabulary might call them pollyannaish. Merriam-Webster defines a Pollyanna as “a person characterized by irrepressible optimism and a tendency to find good in everything.” Once again, the dictionary does not define the word as someone with a tendency to find good when it is justified. A Pollyanna is ALWAYS positive. We know them too.
What’s interesting is that we naturally know that the mood of many people does not depend on the current circumstance. If someone is only upset when it is valid, we would see them as a victim. You simply cannot say that someone has a bad attitude if they are upset about the death of their pet, family member or career. The label of being perpetually grumpy or happy comes to be because everyone knows that the situation isn’t causing the negative emotions, the person’s constant outlook is to blame.
The two men described in the zen story are exactly the people who do and do not get invited to every party. You know this is true. Why do you invite some people only when you have to (holidays) and others whenever you have an opportunity? Party hosts know that, no matter how hard they try, the curmudgeon will find fault with the party. Party hosts also know that, even if it’s a disaster, the Pollyanna will make it fun with their vibe alone.
How about the curmudgeon and the Pollyanna in the workplace? The Pollyanna might be a little too much to handle on a Monday morning. I get it. For some people, optimism can’t be consumed before coffee. But, the curmudgeon is the worst. One miserable person in an office can sink the morale of dozens of other workers. The curmudgeon is who they are talking about when you hear that a worker with a bad attitude is a “cancer.” To drive this point home, many times (almost all of the time) the label has very little to do with the actual work the employee produces. It’s usually all about their negative attitude.
The office cancer will swear that they are only reacting to the poor conditions of the workplace. But, can you really see the curmudgeon office worker being joyfully happy in a different job? If you say “yes,” then dismiss the zen story as an old myth and pay it no mind. But, if you trust your gut to admit that attitude is everything, pass this story (or this blog) along to your loved ones. If they immediately take their house off of the market, be sure to invite them to the next party.
Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.
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