You’re Better Than You Think.

Let’s do some human math:

Nobody is perfect, right? OK.

The closest someone can get to perfect is still being imperfect, right? OK.

The best anyone can be is still imperfect. Imperfect is the top, the maximum, all you can hope for.

So, by extension, imperfect is the best, isn’t it? In a way, yes. Being imperfect is the best in a very important way.

You are imperfect, as am I. No matter how hard we try, we will still be imperfect.

The reason I am talking about this is a feeling. You know the feeling. I’m talking about the feeling that makes you believe that you could and should be doing much better. I’m talking about that feeling that nags you all day long because you are not the ideal weight or don’t have the ideal amount of money in the bank or you don’t go on ideal vacations. This (sometimes constant) feeling of not being good enough is not good for the soul and it’s also unnecessary.

Most of the issue is a matter of technology. Today, we are exposed to so many things that we “should” have or do, mainly because of media and the internet. One has to believe that three hundred years ago, people must have spent less time worrying about not having luxury items, perfect teeth, or perfect abs. This is because, before modern media and technology, people were far less exposed to images, stories, advertisements, and articles about luxury items, perfect teeth, or perfect abs. But, in our modern times, there is so much content in front of us that someone could probably be reminded of sixty things they should be better at in sixty minutes. It’s a matter of volume.

Another element of our “Should Syndrome” is that, for most of us, it’s a habit. We’ve all spent so much time being self-critical that we’re simply just used to it. Many people try to lose the same excess weight for decades. This leads those people to develop the habit of constantly thinking that they are not slim enough. Many people try to find financial security for decades. This leads those people to habitually think about how they are not wealthy enough and that they SHOULD do something to obtain more money.

This dynamic grows into something ugly. Somebody that doesn’t have enough and isn’t doing what they should be doing usually isn’t considered to be worth very much.

What happens when you think thoughts about your own shortcomings all day long? You may believe that you, yourself, aren’t worth very much. You may believe that you lack willpower. You may believe that you don’t have the natural abilities to ever be worth very much. You may believe that you are simply lazy.

There is no value to negative self-talk. In fact, it’s detrimental. It is also not true!

Let me explain using one of my core principles: Gratitude.

Look at all you have. Take some time now to list in your mind everything you have of value. Include people, skills, experiences, and physical items in this list. Don’t rush. Nobody is going to take this article away from you. It will be here when your list is complete.

Every physical asset you own or have owned was obtained through a financial transaction. In order to take part in a financial transaction, you need to have money. The fact is that you have managed to acquire “enough” money thousands of times. Don’t look at the Mercedes you don’t have. Look at the thousands of items you do have. Whether you worked for it, inherited it, or won it in a contest, you did what it took to get enough money to buy thousands of things.

Every personal relationship you have is a victory. Would you have those people in your life if you were mean, obnoxious, dull, or lacking social skills? If you think about it, if you were as bad as you think you are, you wouldn’t have any of those relationships. Whether you have one friend or one hundred, you have managed those relationships skillfully. You are good at that.

Your skills were also gained through ability. I, myself, never mastered trigonometry. For whatever reason, I was not good enough to learn that skill. But what about all that you know how to do? The list is immense. From tying your shoes to balking a cake to driving a car, every skill you have was won. You are good enough to be able to do everything you know how to do.

Now, look at your list and ask yourself: Would you have all of those things if you were really doing everything wrong?

If you actually made a list and actually examined the list, you will conclude that you are actually very successful. You have done many, many things absolutely right. I defy you to convince me that your “shoulds” (the things you should have or do) outnumber your actual possessions (physically, emotionally, spiritually).  I bet that your successes far outweigh your shortcomings.

This is where we need to make a distinction. We need to separate the idea of being perfect from the idea of being good enough to love yourself and stop putting yourself down.

Almost all of our nagging “shoulds” are a result of wanting to be perfect. If you scroll to the top you will be reminded that perfection does not exist. Therefore, desiring to be perfect is a foolish, unachievable quest. It’s a waste of time and energy.

You are never going to be perfect. Not accepting this fact is insane. We can take this part of it and throw it into the trash.

The answer to this part of the dilemma: Don’t try to do what cannot be done.

What about being good enough to relax, love yourself, and stop negative self-talk? This one is as logical as attempting to be perfect is illogical.

Here is why you should love yourself, accept yourself, and stop giving yourself a hard time:

• Nobody is perfect

• You are as perfect as anyone else: not at all

• The way you have been living has yielded every single positive thing in your life

• If the way you have been living has created so much success, then it must not be bad

• If it is not bad, then it should not be criticized

So, the next time you see an advertisement for a diet regimen promising to make you the “perfect” weight, think about the fact that even if your weight was perfect, you (and the rest of us) will still be imperfect. Then, think about the fact that even though your weight is not where you want it to be, you have dozens (hundreds) of things in your life that are reasons to celebrate.

Give yourself a break.

Maybe…just maybe…YOU’RE GOOD.   

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

Learn more about SOCA LLC and Burak’s classes here.