Farm Shopping: Let’s Talk About Death

The worst will definitely happen, to all of us. Is this not true?

I don’t mean dropping your cell phone into a lake. I am talking about death. Death is the biggest mystery because, aside from near-death experiences (which many people can’t digest), nobody can tell us about it. Death doesn’t have reviews on Amazon. You can’t find out if death would work for someone with wide feet or if it comes with the attachments shown in the picture. We simply don’t know and can’t know.

Death is our biggest fear, by and large. Part of this fear is based on not knowing. The unknown of the afterlife haunts us. How can it not? It’s a big deal. Humanity has developed a few theories about what happens when you pass away.

Much of eastern culture believe that after you die, you come right back - reincarnation. A common thread in this ethos is that when you come back for another life, you cannot remember your past lives, at least without the help of a really, really good psychic. The ability to see past lives is called “retrocognition.” I looked it up.

The spiritual theme of western culture is that there is an afterlife. The major religions of the western hemisphere believe that, after you die, you go somewhere else - heaven, hell, or purgatory. According to those Good Books, your future destination is based on your past and current behavior. Good eggs go to heaven. Bad eggs go to hell. I’m not sure who goes to purgatory.

This “probation” most people in the west live in adds to the anxiety. The possibility of eternal damnation can pour gasoline on the guilt caused by our misdeeds. The fact that we can’t see the list of requirements can also make one sweat. Am I being good enough to get into heaven? Do I have to volunteer for charity to get into heaven or can I just be very polite? I stole four cars. What’s the limit?

Then, there’s the third, fastest-growing train of thought: atheism/agnosticism. Armed with the big brains of science, this train is sleek and modern. This philosophy describes a mechanical universe. We are biological machines, just like pandas and squirrels. Our thoughts and motivations are created by hormones to motivate us toward the goals of our species. Atheistic philosophies can be jarring because, by and large, they point to the idea that we are nothing special, just apes bouncing down our biological path. And, if you ask an atheist when you die, you simply cease to exist. The atheistic review of the afterlife would list “n/a.” Nothing happens. To the non-spiritual, death means nothingness, which is probably the part of death we fear the most.

Let’s examine the idea of nothingness. I’m sure that many people see the nothingness of death to feel like being buried alive. Because we have a tendency to see the negative parts of situations first (the Monkey Mind), we assume that the experience will be painful. If you think about it, assuming that something that is literally “nothing” is something (something bad) is insane. Ponder that.

Nothing means nothing. It means nothing good, sure. But, it also means nothing bad. Is nothingness something to be feared? We really can’t be sure. We never experience nothingness. The closest we come to nothingness is sleep. When we sleep we shut off. Although we are dreaming, for all intents and purposes, we aren’t experiencing anything. And, when we sleep it doesn’t feel like being trapped in a dark coffin. Why would we think that the ultimate shut off, death, would be any different? Once again, nothing means nothing.

So, my first stab at making you feel better about death is to ask you to consider it to be like sleeping. And, if I compare it to my experiences hitting the snooze button, sleep can be quite sweet.

My next point might be one you haven’t thought of yourself. What do Tom Selleck and Wilford Brimley have in common, besides a mustache? They are both celebrity spokespeople. More importantly, they are celebrity spokespeople of a certain age. They are senior citizens and they speak about things that affect senior citizens more than others. Tom Selleck has done commercials for reverse mortgages. Wilford Brimley should be honored for his efforts to battle “diabeetus.”

I have a point here. The reason organizations use spokespeople of certain ages, backgrounds or demographics is so that people with similar ages, backgrounds, and demographics can relate to them and take their advice as being from someone that understands you.

If reverse mortgages are good enough for Tom Selleck, they’re good enough for me. The idea is that, although he might be just like you in age, Tom Selleck’s life is very different than yours (or anybody’s really. There’s only one Magnum P.I.). Tom Selleck has options. he could choose to do anything he wants. And, if after reviewing all of the opportunities available to him, Tom Selleck chooses a reverse mortgage, then reverse mortgages must be good.  To continue down that path, if diabetes awareness is important enough for Wilford Brimley, it’s important enough for me.

Wilford Brimley is the link in my argument because Wilford Brimley is dead.

So, let’s make the leap. If Wilford Brimley died, so can I. Muhammad Ali also died. As did my father. Steve Jobs died. Albert Einstein died. Queen Elizabeth died. Frank Sinatra died. George Washington died. Henry the 8th died. So did Henrys 1 through 7. Billions of people have died, billions.

One way to make yourself feel better about your future demise is to choose a person in history that you admire and reflect on the fact that they have died. They went through the experience that you dread. It happened. They did it. You can too.

You can also look to people you admire who are close to your age. Depending on which one of you eats more trans fats, you and this person you admire are the same “distance” from death. You both have the same amount of “time left.” They too have the same fears and will go through it just like you. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for me.

My final stab at your consolation is to ask you to look to nature. Death is natural. Death happens because it must happen. There is a reason. It’s how it all goes. It’s how it goes because it’s how it must go. To deny nature is to deny everything.

All in all, regardless of what you think to feel better, death is inevitable. Death is absolutely inevitable. So, if we look at it logically, any worry to devote to dreading death is an energy waste. Keeping this in mind might help you steer clear of the topic. Besides, the alternative would be grotesque. Would you really want to live forever? You can’t find anything to watch on television now.

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

Learn more about SOCA LLC and Burak’s classes here.