Remembering That We Are All Imperfect Is Perfect

My classes are based on principals studied over long periods of time. Every class, a universal topic is discussed from multiple angles. The topics are not controversial: mindfulness, gratitude, optimism, focus, acceptance and love, to name a few. These topics aren’t tips, or tricks or hacks. They are principals. They are fundamental.

After several classes, the discussion become less lesson and more reminder. There is no end date for these reminders. They will be a part of my classes as long as I have the strength to teach my classes. With patience and diligence, I hope to influence my students’ habitual thinking. I want these principals to be a part of their daily thoughts. Thinking motivates behavior and behaviors build the life around us. As the Buddha said, “What you think, you become.”

You already have your own principals. You have them in your classroom, your household and in your own mind. Every person and group has core beliefs that are repeatedly thought and followed. Those principals have shaped what those people and groups have “become” so far in their lives. Jeff Bezos has built Amazon around the principals of convenience and speed. A fitness trainer builds their business around the principals of physical activity and conscientious nutrition. My plan is for my students to build their lives around time-tested, healthy principals that are shared by all cultures.

Today, I will reintroduce you to a phrase that serves as a core principal in my lessons and deserves to be part of your philosophies as well. Sadly, it doesn’t get the respect it deserves. For most, it’s one of those sayings that goes in one ear and out the other. You could even call it “cliche. I aim to change that.

This encouraging, calming, forgiving and loving phrase is:

“Everyone makes mistakes.”

You’ve heard those words a thousand times but probably didn’t receive the life-changing message it carries in tow. This slogan is a goldmine in terms of confidence, self-acceptance and good will towards others. Here’s why…

Your mistake doesn’t make you an outlier.

If you can remember that everyone makes mistakes the next time you make one, you can judge yourself less harshly. It’s a great way to encourage my students to be nice to themselves. Why shouldn’t they be nice to themselves? If you feel good about yourself, you are more likely to give life your best. Attempts with enthusiasm (and joy) are way more powerful than attempts made under slumping shoulders. A smile and a positive self-image are significant intangibles. Everyone should be given the advantage of putting their best foot forward when going for a goal or working through a challenge.

There is also no discernible benefit to being cruel to yourself. What negative criticism gains in terms of motivation, it loses in terms of morale. Not only is negative self-talk depressing but, it is also unsustainable. Motivation through put-downs is not a long-term strategy. Heavy self-criticism is toxic. It’s unhealthy. It’s simply bad for the soul. I never resort to browbeating or fear to get my lessons across. You shouldn’t either.

It can remind you to see yourself as good.

The phrase is a basis for self-love. If everyone makes mistakes, your mistakes can’t make you unlovable. You are as likely to have made a mistake as anyone else who’s ever lived and, as a result, you deserve love as much as anyone else who’s ever lived. These terms can be extended out to cover all negative traits. Just as everyone makes mistakes, everyone also has negative traits. Shortcomings are not unique. Let’s remember that the next time we are shaken up by one.

It can remind you to see others as good.

Perfection only exists in contrast to something imperfect. Good people exist in contrast to bad people. Successful people exist in contrast to unsuccessful people. Our reborn phrase breaks the mold. If everyone makes mistakes, then there is no contrast. Everyone is equally imperfect. Without the contrast, there are no bad, incompetent people. This can give you permission to let other people off the hook when they have done you wrong.

With this in mind, it’s interesting how we get upset whenever a mistake is made to our detriment, even though it happens and will always happen with great frequency. Rather than take it personally, it would probably be best to see bad luck as someone’s mistake making its way around to you. The server that got your bill wrong wasn’t out to get you. They were just cashing in their mistake. With the right perspective, having someone’s mistake come into your life can be compared to a leaf blowing into your yard. Mistakes, like leaves, are whipping around the globe all of the time. You are not cursed. Everyone makes mistakes, so don’t take it personally when a mistake lands in your lap.

Having this mentality is peaceful. It also allows us to be open to new opportunities with people of all kinds. You are more open to people when you are not judging them. Casting a wide net increases the chances of success both socially and vocationally. That’s what all of my philosophies hope to achieve.

Fun (and relief) with Numbers

The United Nations places the world population at 8 billion people. If every person only made one mistake, that would be 8 billion mistakes. If you consider everyone making 50 or 100 hundred mistakes each, the numbers are unfathomable. Do we really get bent out of shape over something that might have happened 100 billion times, just this year? Making our fears seem silly is a big part of my job.

If we can’t avoid mistakes entirely, what can we do to try to make things better?

Here’s what we CAN control: How quickly we bounce back from mistakes.

Move On, Quickly

It’s not what bad thing happened, it’s how long that bad thing effected us that makes a difference. Stubbing your toe isn’t worth posting on social media because you only deal with it for a few minutes. Breaking your leg skiing is a much bigger deal because it EFFECTS us for months. In that sense, the faster you recover, the closer you are to being invincible. Remember that mistakes will happen with amazing frequency. When one hits you, get past it as fast as you can. By labeling a mistake as just one of a billion mistakes reduces its significance to allows you to avoid obsessing.

Remember to do this too.

Mistakes and Errors have value, to a point. All setbacks provide us with the opportunity to learn. By learning what we did wrong, we can avoid making the same blunder again. This is the part that seems to be optional. Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone learns from their mistakes. Our job is to try. Regardless of the level of success, we can all try to squeeze every lesson from our follies. Learning from these inevitable mistakes is another philosophy for another time.    

With that, I nominate “everyone makes mistakes” to a permanent spot among your core philosophies. It can influence young minds towards resilience and openness. It is also a useful mantra for ourselves when we’re not shooting straight. Feature this slogan at your dinner table tonight and you won’t regret it. If I’m wrong, that’s ok too because…you know what I’m going to say.

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

Learn more about SOCA LLC and Burak’s classes here.