Not My Intention, Not My Problem

When it comes to managing anxiety, a secondary benefit of intention setting might be at the top.

Intentions and intentional living are important. Intentions give us an end point. They tell us how we can measure success. You can’t tell if you’ve accomplished your goal if you don’t know what you were trying to do from the start.

If you ask yourself what you really want, you will probably see that most of your wishes are vague. Intentions help you get specific about your goals. Do you want a raise at work or do you want a $10,000 raise by the end of the year? Do you want to lose weight or do you want to lose 25 pounds in 6 months? It’s hard to make a plan without specifics. If your intention is to lose 25 pounds in 6 months, there are many easy to find formulas you can apply to your calorie intake to achieve that specific result. If your goal is just to “lose weight,” you can’t be sure if you should reduce your calorie intake by 300 calories per day or 500 calories per day. You can get directions to my doorstep or you can get directions in my general direction on the globe. Clear intentions put the pin on the map.

Intentions help us focus our thoughts and effort. Doing just anything won’t help. In order to succeed, you need to do specific things. If you don’t have clear intentions, how can you tell what you are supposed to be doing? If your intention is to become a doctor, medical school should be in your future. If your intention is to play in the Super Bowl, learning and practicing the skills of football is the prescription. You will never become a doctor unless you attend medical school and you won’t be on the winning team unless you learn how to play the game. In this way, intentions tell us what to do and, more imminently, they tell us what to do next.

Having a clear intention on your mind can also help you identify opportunities that could help you fulfill your intention. Signs of opportunity can be subtle. One has to be able to “see the possibilities.” Spotting a good situation might require you to have your “antennae” up all of the time. If you’ve defined a clear intention, you can pass all experiences through the filter of that intention to see if any opportunities shake loose.

We can make big strides if our energy is consolidated and focused on fewer topics. A shoemaker can make a lot of shoes if making shoes is the only priority for the day. You can make a lot of whatever you make if you focus your attention too. You already knew this.

These are all great benefits of intentional living. However, the greatest benefit for my students with anxiety is not what intention setting tells you to focus on, but what it gives you permission to not worry about at all. If you are focused on your true intention you can guiltlessly ignore many other worrisome things. This perspective can help cut down that long list of obligations we constantly have in our thoughts.

We are all pulled in many different directions, every day. A practice of intentional living can help us realize that we cannot accomplish all of our goals in one day. By counting off all of the things that are NOT a priority, the day’s stresses can be framed as few.

Statements like “Just these things,” and “Only these few…” minimize the idea of worry. Simple is the opposite of overwhelming.

Doesn’t that sound calming?

Here’s is one way it could work:

Step 1: Set your intentions for the day. You could have, say, six intentions for your day. They could be:

• Exercise for 30 minutes

• Complete a certain project at work

• Return all of your emails

• Sign your child up for soccer

• Enjoy a nice, family dinner

• Catch an episode of your current binge show

Step 2: State your intentions. This statement can be to yourself or out loud. what’s important is that you are committing to this set of intentions and that those intentions are clear.

“I am concentrating on these six things today.”

Step 3: Count all of the things that are not one of your intentions. This is where relief can come into the process.

• “I am not concerned with cleaning my bedroom closet today.” Cleaning your bedroom closet might be something that’s been on your mind but what is clear to you is that you will not devote any physical or mental energy towards that project TODAY. You can set your intention on cleaning your bedroom another day. For today, your mind and psyche are free of the burden.

• “I am not concerned with anything political today.” Regardless of your political lean, constant stress about the state of our union is unhealthy. Unless it’s Election Day or a day when you are volunteering for your cause, there is probably very little you can do to change the political world on any given day. Making a clear statement that you will give yourself a break from political news or debate can reduce stress and save your energy for use on other important matters.

• “I am not concerned with getting a raise at work today.” We think about how we might be underpaid at work every day. It makes sense that your chance of getting that raise does not go up if you stress about it constantly. Sure, you might be way past due for a bump in pay but if you have not chosen to make getting a raise an intention for today, you can guiltlessly take a break from bothering yourself about it. Again, we can see how devoting that same energy to something else, just for today, could work wonders in our lives.

• “ I am not concerned with meeting that special someone today.” Like the idea of being owed a raise at work, thinking about finding true love every day is probably overkill. You could meet your perfect match at any time but giving yourself license to not worry about it for just one day can make you calmer and happier.

• “I am not concerned with my children cleaning up after themselves today.” If your offspring walk off leaving a mess, of course, you will prompt them to clean it up and remind them of the importance of leaving a small footprint. At the same time, when it comes to limiting how many things we are focusing on at any given time, there’s nothing wrong with admitting to yourself that, although it’s a long-term goal, your kids’ housekeeping will not be a high priority today. Rome wasn’t built in a day and neither will your child’s independence. Plus, do you really want them to be totally grown up right this second?

This should also highlight how distracted we actually are on any given day. Many times, we hope to make an impression on our long-term finances, our long-term health, our children’s character, our marriage, our friendships and our entertainment all at the same time. How can we expect to make progress in any area of our lives with such a small percentage of our physical and mental resources available for the attempt?

Intentional living can be a source of relief for anyone, especially someone managing their anxiety. Regularly reminding ourselves that a certain subject is not on tap today can provide a quick escape when stressed. It would also shine a light on what is, in fact, the day’s intention. With practice, it could clear the mind of overwhelm and reallocate those mental resources towards what really matters. If you or someone you love struggle with anxiety, it might be worth a shot.

Burak Uzun is an award-winning writer and instructor. He has received thousands of hours of training and hands-on experience in guiding individuals with social and emotional challenges. He also co-wrote a feature film called Team Marco, which was featured in over fifty film festivals around the globe and was distributed by Samuel Goldwyn Films.

Please feel free to reach out to Burak here.

Learn more about SOCA LLC and Burak’s classes here.